when ur family come over for dinner and ask what youve been up to
my mom told me to put the dog to bed but didn’t specify which bed
Every morning the light comes in and my toilet looks beautiful
Please tell me that was an intentional pun
a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.
what the fuck
Best $1.85 I have ever spent.
jesus fucking christ
give me them titddies momther
no Santa, they’re not gifts, they’re jifts.